I feel sick...

SPOILER ALERT: Dinna read until you have finished chapter 99 in The Fiery Cross. 

I'm not sure I've felt this nauseated at a scene in a Diana Gabaldon novel since Claire came upon Jamie and John Grey in a loving embrace. It's a good thing Shannon, Jenn M and I agreed to stop at chapter 100 before our gathering tomorrow... because I don't think I could keep reading if I tried.

I don't know what's bothering me more: the fact that Jamie clearly has some kind of feelings left for Laoghaire... or the fact that he tried to do her in his sleep!!! And if he was as mechanical with Laoghaire as Claire said he was when he was asleep, maybe THAT'S why Laoghaire wasn't into his moves between the sheets.

I feel betrayed. I feel hurt. I feel GROSSED THE HELL OUT. He's thinking of Laoghaire!!! WHY??? He HATES Laoghaire! The woman has been extorting money from him for years! She tried to KILL him! She tried to KILL Claire! (Which he now KNOWS, thank you god). Yeah yeah yeah - he said he can't stand her, blah blah blah.... but boyfriend is waking his WIFE up at night by trying to DO her in his sleep while DREAMING she's THE WEE HO!!!!!!!!!!

I feel sick....

Here's an email I just sent to Tracey. Sick, sick and more sick. That's what I am... and it doesna seem to be getting any better. I canna even THINK of posting about how excited I am about Jenny's letter... or about how much selfish Bree annoys me... (you're right, Karen, she's not a "spoiled brat". But I do find her selfish at times - I'll explain later.) For now I'm just going to post this email and go to bed and sleep on it - and see if I feel any different in the AM...

I am sick. SO SO sick. Almost as bad as John Grey. I can't even read (which is good because I promised to stop after chapter 99 for our meeting tomorrow.)

Anyone but Laoghaire. I am so sad I could cry. Claire was VERY gracious and understanding. No WAY would I have been able to keep myself so calm and unfazed (at least in appearance; she was very fazed, at least at first. Ugh.)

I am just sick. Seriously. I cannot imagine what kind of lollypop sweetness you are going to pull out of your arse to defend Jamie Fraser right now. I am just sick.

I've been LOST!

Sorry all - crazy day and have been parked in front of my TV watching LOST for the past 3 HOURS. Like the old days before I discovered Diana... LOL

I'll be back Wednesday with a Bree post for sure. I've plenty to say, Lassies!

Someone send her back to The Gathering. LORD, THE GATHERING!

SPOILER ALERT: Dinna read unless you have read Chapter 92 in The Fiery Cross.

Bree is now COMMANDING men - in 18th century mountainous, Carolina (cleared) brush - on how to properly SKIN A MOTHERHUMPING BUFFALO.

I HAVE NOW SEEN IT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am verklempt. Talk amongst yourselves. I'll give you a topic. Bree is a spoiled brat. DISCUSS!

The Union of the Snake

SPOILER ALERT: Dinna read unless you have finished chapter 90ish in THE FIERY CROSS.

OK so I'm home with a croupy 5 year old today and getting some reading done since he's on the couch watching The Backyardigans. This will be a quick post since I have to try my best at getting him to take a nap - but I have to update you all on where I am.

Poor Roger (I always call him that, now; "poor Roger") was hoping to get a little Bree-lurve until Jemmy decided he was going to wake up and kill the mood. Next thing you know Jamie comes-a-knockin' and tells Roger they've got to jet; there are "beasts" grazing just over the ridge. So off they go - find out they are buffalo - and are getting ready to kill them some supper... when BAM! Jamie gets bitten in the calf by a big-assed snake - about 4 feet long with the girth of Roger's wrist. DAMN. That's a big snake. Now... personally... I canna really blame yon snake... though I'd have aimed a little higher. (Oh c'mon... you know you were thinking the same thing. Admit it!)

Soooo.... Roger - my hero - cuts Jamie's leg (with some help from Jamie) and sucks out the venom. But they must have waited too long and Jamie starts turning 18 shades of red from head to toe... and is swelling like a prized haggis at The Gathering (LORDDDDD THE GATHERING!) And Jamie and Roger start discussing death and whether you can change the future (past?) and Culloden and Bonnie Prince Charlie and everything. It was a killer discussion that I'll have to read again at a later date. Anyway - they're trying to decide if Jamie is safe because he's not scheduled to die until 3 or 4 years from now. And Jamie - thinking he's dying - rattles off this whole barrage of instructions for "Poor Roger", involving many names of those on the Ridge, at Cross Creek, at Wylie's Landing, etc. And he says to tell Bree he's "glad of her" and to give Jemmy his sword... and doesn't say anything about Claire. And when Poor Roger asks him about Claire, Jamie tells him to tell her he "meant it".

Um - WTF?? Am I supposed to get that? Will I find out later? Am I a moron for not knowing precisely what that means? I feel so un-close to Jamie right now! Am I putting too much thought into it? Here is the email I just sent my sister/Outlander mentor, Tracey. I'll be back later, after I read more!!!

WHAT does he mean by "Tell Claire I meant it"??? Just that he loved her with all his heart and he "meant" every bit of their life together? Or is it something distinct and different that I'll find out later??? Right now Claire is pulling her medicinals out of her cabinet and praying she won't have to use the tools. (I canna even THINK about this. NOT at all.)

The Fiery Cross: Some of my Favorite Moments

SPOILER ALERT: Dinna read unless you've finished Chapter 88 in The Fiery Cross. 

I've been underlining and marking in the Kindle like a mad-woman lately.. and wanted to share some thoughts with you all...

How much did you love it when Roger regained slight contentiousness and Jamie said "You are alive. You are whole. All is well." I about LOST it when he said "You are whole". That is exactly what Roger would have been thinking as they were on the battlefield. He'd have come to - realized he's incapacitated - and thought "Oh god - what's wrong with me?" I found it very profound and moving that Jamie knew exactly what to say to calm him. God bless Jamie Fraser.

Again - loved it when Jamie said to the Governor: "As ye laid hands on my son." My son. MY SON. God that is so powerful after all they went through in Drums. The man beat the snot out of him and sold him to the Mohawks. And now is calling him his "son". Just very moving, in my opinion. 

How awesome is Claire? "Very carefully, I laid the limp, heavy little body on Roger's chest. Bree made a small movement, as though to catch the baby and stop him  sliding off-but Roger's arm moved up, stiff and slow, and folded across the sleeping child. Tinder, I thought, satisfied." There are no words.

Lovely Jamieisms: "Egg-sucking son of a porcupine!"  and "Turd-eating son of a flying tortoise".

Jamie to Bree: "I have been marrit near thiry years, and you less than two. What is it that ye think I dinna understand, lass?"  Um...I didn't know how to feel about this. I get his point. And I was moved that he says he's been married to Claire almost thirty years. But really? Really, Jamie? By my count I think it's more like 6 or 7 - and I think you're forgetting a certain someone who makes you send money to Scotland every once in a while. Just sayin'..

Totally verklempt: When Jamie told Bree that he spent 20 years wondering if his wife lived and how she and his child fared - and then touched both her and Claire at the same time while explaining that she'll be OK if Roger dies. Exhale. I just teared up thinking about it.

Claire/Roger: At one point, Diana points out that Claire feels like the dark forest could swallow her whole - and then says the exact same thing about Roger - and I thought "WOW! Total Claire/Roger parallel". And I started thinking about the many parallels between these two people. Both forfeited their lives' work - and everything they knew - to cross the stones and be with the one they loved. Both are always doing for others without asking much in return. Both are willing to accept new challenges and handle obstacles when they could be living a much kushier life in the 20th century. I have a tremendous amount of respect for both of these people and had to point that out.

Vomrific comment from Jamie: "And Brianna, bless her, killed a fine elk, just the other side of the river. A chest shot, but she brought it down - and cut the throat herself, though that's a dicey thing to do, and the beast's still thrashing." Ugh. WhatEVER!!!!!!

Orgasmic: "Jamie's head rose clear, a great maned creature looming over me, back arched in his extremity." Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ.

Carol is mush: "D'ye ken that the only time I am without pain is in your bed, Sassenach? When I take ye, when I lie in your arms - my wounds are healed, then, my scars forgotten."

Carol is worse mush: When Jamie tells Claire that his father took his mother's hair out of her plaits in her coffin... and how he moved her hair so it didn't cover his baby brother - and then moved it back again because the baby would be happier with her hair covering him. Wait - have to tear up a bit... OK I'm back. Let me just say that I have a son - he's 5. And a few times since he was about 2 I have tucked him in bed at night... and he has asked me to take my hair out of my ponytail, because he likes it long and he likes to touch it. My husband has never said that to me... so it's not like he learned it from him.  He just has it in his little heart that he likes mommy's hair down. So I don't have to tell you how that scene broke my heart...

Even more mush: When Jamie told Claire he was happy she had grey hair because it means she's aging and didn't die young like his mother. Sigh. Talk amongst yourselves...way too verklempt at this point to continue this line of discussion...

Cool Diana-ism: "The sky overhead curved low and dull as the inside of a pewter bowl." WTF??? WHERE does she come UP with this shit? (Said like Jason Lee) Is that not just a magnificent way to describe the sky? She has such a way with adjectives and description. I am so mortified because I just... don't. Don't believe me? Get this: I once went to a gallery showing of video "costumes" that belonged to John Taylor from Duran Duran. And someone was filming a video for John, himself, to watch afterward. I was so nervous, knowing he'd see it... that when I was asked what I thought of the suit he wore in the "Save a Prayer" video (my favorite, mind you) I moronically replied, "I had no idea it would be so... so... orange!" ORANGE??? That's all I had to say? Really Carol... really. It's just... embarrassing. And thus, why I WORSHIP Diana Gabaldon's talent for description.

Amusing Diana-ism: "There are few things deader than a large, dead pig."

OK - I am totally up to date now. I am off to read, lassies! More later!

Mountainous Carolina Brush

SPOILER ALERT: Dinna read unless you've gotten to chapter 84 in The Fiery Cross.

So Roger is alive and well. Well OK maybe not "well" per se... but he's alive, damnit. And once again - Jamie sent him off into the wilderness to go and do something he is relatively equipped to do: survey land. Because, you know, most British historians know how to trudge around their newly acquired 5,000 acres of mountainous Carolina brush and survey it. So off he goes... and that's pretty much when all hell breaks loose; again. Jamie and Claire decide to go help some Cherokee hunt and kill a white ghost bear, which they're not even sure exists... and of course Bree has to come because of her excellent marksmanship. And alas - she has to bring Jemmy - because it seems he'll be nursed until high school or the equivalent in the aforementioned mountainous Carolina brush. But of course, as usual, Jemmy is on the Pay No Mind list and is handed over to any number of Cherokee children to play with while his mother is off showing the rest of the tribe how to shoot.

What I found interesting about this stage of the book is that Claire stayed "home" with the Cherokee women and partook in needlework - or some such 18th century project given to the womenfolk - whilst the men were off being manly. Now... does that sound like Claire to you? Me, either. But in any regard, she got her honey traded for some lye soap - or something that will make soap smell better - it escapes my brain at the moment. And then comes the fire. LORD here COME the fire! In trying to smoke the bear out of his cave, they lit the entire forest on fire. And out of the brush gallops Bree and Jamie... and Jamie and Claire ride off into the forest, not really sure where Bree and Jemmy are; somewhere in front of them, they assume. But they know Bree is like a walking Britannica and will surely find her way home (blindfolded with one hand tied behind her back and the other hand offering a breast to Jemmy because that's all that poor child seems to do.) OK - SO - back to the meat of the story... Claire and Jamie get caught in this terrible rainstorm... and I was literally scared out of my damn mind. That's how Diana is - she knows how to tell a good story - and I was truly feeling the rain and the thunder. And the lightning, which they both happened to get slightly singed by... and which killed poor Gideon. Or was it Judas? Rats - there goes the old brain again...

So at the same time they're feeling the effects of this storm, Roger is fighting it as well, as he's still surveying and muttering to himself about what he's going to do with 5,000 acres of - you got it - mountainous Carolina brush. He ends up getting hit by lightning - getting saved by some escaped slaves who happen to be with - wait for it - MRS. BEARDSLEY! I'd know that broken-toothed lisp anywhere! So Roger has to work some serious Camp David-caliber negotiations with her and her ex-slave baby daddy - who then blindfold him and take him to safety. And Roger tells them about the  baby and that it was a girl who will inherit all of that FREAK Beardsley's land.

Now - let me ask y'all a question... because it has been driving me nuts. Why on EARTH didn't that woman sit tight on her land after Jamie buried Mr. Beardsley?? She could have delivered in a warm bed - had her ex slave baby daddy live there with her (under the pretense of being her slave, maybe)  and she could have said the baby was his with his dead wife or something...and that she had adopted her. And she'd have had plenty of shelter, food, etc. She could have had all the ex-slaves helping to work the land and living there with her and her ex-slave baby daddy - and life would be infinitely better for them than hiding in that ramshackle woods cabin that's falling down around them. And she could have kept her baby! I just don't get it. I suppose brainpower didn't really flourish back in 18th century mountainous Carolina brush. Must have been all the bannocks. One needs a little protein once in a while, do they not?

New Video from My Outlander Purgatory

So as I mentioned... Jenn, Shannon and I went to Tracey's for a little lunch and Outlander discussion yesterday. We had a great time and made this video for you to watch and feel like you're discussing along with us. Tracey was starting A Breath of Snow and Ashes... and the rest of us are still on The Fiery Cross. We have a little theorizing about how the series will end... but no major spoilers are given as none of us has gotten past book 6 yet!  Enjoy! And we'd love to hear your (spoiler-free) comments!

PS - After our video is the way cool SIMS video made by Akashana on youtube that we mention in our video. Check it out!