Thursday, August 26, 2010

How to Get to Heaven from Scotland

Got this from a friend in Port Glasgow this morning. (Excuse the language).
How to get to Heaven from Scotland:
I was testing children in my Glasgow Sunday School class to see if they understood the concept of getting into heaven.

 I asked them,
"If I sold my house and my car, had a big jumble sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?"
"NO!" the children answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?"
 Again, the answer was 'No!' 

 By now I was starting to smile.
 "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweeties to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?"
 Again, they all answered 'No!'

 I was just bursting with pride for them.
 I continued, "Then how can I get into heaven?"
 A six year old boy shouted, 
 "Yuv goat tae be fukin' deid"

Kinda brings a wee tear tae yir e'e....   


  1. That's hilarious. Thanks for posting it. I'll definitely be sharing it with my Outlander people today. I teach first grade and I've gotten all the rest of the first grade teachers at my school (5 of them) and the music teacher to read the books. We have some juicy Jamie conversations in the teachers' lounge over lunch. This cute story will fit in nicely, since it's related to two things we spend a lot of time talking about: little kids and Outlander.

  2. I love it..

    I have a great name for a band... Jacobite

  3. Stephlav - I just got back from Kindergarten orientation with my 5 year old...and totally feel that way. Little kids and Outlander is what my entire life is about right now! LOL

    Richard - AWESOME. I am the Queen of "That should be a band name!" So far the best I've come up with is "Naked Headless Barbies"....LOL Jacobite Rising is not too shabby!

  4. I think that will be my new chat and screen name from now... so next chat.. when you see it you will know it is

  5. Great story - I have one.

    My niece(3)asked her grandma (my sister) where her dad was. My sister said "He is in heaven. Heaven is where you go when you don't live on Earth any more."

    My niece thought about it and said, "Well, Earth IS really expensive."

  6. "how to get to Heaven from Scotland" huh? but you already know that Scotland is Heaven!

  7. I found this...

    The story of how

    God created SCOTLAND

    The Story of Scotland.

    In the beginning when God was creating the world,
    He was sitting on a cloud,
    telling his pal the Arch Angel Gabriel
    what he planned for Scotland.

    " Gabby" says He "I'm going to give this place high majestic mountains, purple glens, soaring eagles, streams laden with salmon, golden fields of barley from which a whisky coloured nectar can be made, green, lush, spectacular golf courses, coal in the ground, oil under the sea,...gas".

    " Hold up! Hold up!"

    Interjected the bold Gabriel

    " Are you not being too generous to these Scots ? "

    Back came the Almighty's reply

    " Not really, wait until you see the
    neighbours I'm giving them !!! "

  8. That sounds like something Jemmie would say. I love it.