Doctor Doctor, Gimme the News, I've Got a Bad Case of Loving You

SPOILER ALERT: Dinna read unless you have read chapter 89 in AN ECHO IN THE BONE. 

Whoa, y'all. I'm still processing. And I'm not even finished yet. Diana has done a fantastic job of tying up some of these storylines... or putting them back together again, I should say.

Claire showed up in Philly and SAVED THE MOTHER EFFING DAY, oh yes she did. DAYS, actually. Not only did she take out Henri-Christian's tonsils and adenoids... but she also felt around and took bullet #2 out of Henry. (Oooh I just realized both patients names were "Henry". Interesting little coincidence. Told you I focus on inane things.) I LOVED her surgical field in Henry's room... and how she made Denny wear a mask... and had the ether... and told Lord John he might want to back up a little because it was going to get a little messy. She did a FANTASTIC job of creating the most sterile environment possible. (Have I not mentioned I'm a bit of a germaphobe and am also the resident nurse in not only my house, but my neighborhood. A few weeks ago my neighbor's daughter called and said "Carol, my mom cut her finger and I can't look. Can you come over?) I absolutely LOVE reading about Claire's surgeries. Diana does such a thorough job at explaining exactly what is taking place - along with Claire's own fears and anxieties about all the things that could go wrong - that you feel like you're there, helping her along... like Rachel Hunter.

And speaking of... let me now turn this morning's entry to Rachel Hunter.  There she was - with her future sister in law (I hope) Dottie (whom I love more than all rationality allows.. and almost as much as her father, Hal) and William (he seems so stoic all the time) and there is that bug...ARCH BUG!.. sniffing around down the street. I swear to god, if that fool COMES NEAR RACHEL - ESPECIALLY before her big reunion with Ian (for which I am waiting with bated breath) I will... UGH! I dinna know WHAT I will do. I want to see that girl walk down the aisle in a white SILK dress  (since thee says silk is A-OK!) and with Ian on her arm with his cute little dots all up the sides of his cheeks. If Arch Bug kills her I.... I.... I.....  Sigh. I hate to say it, but I'm hoping he'll come to his senses and at least kill Rollo if he's going to kill a living, breathing soul. (I'M SORRY - I LOVE ROLLO - but c'mon now He's getting to be verra old and will die soon anyway and is a CANINE.)

I canna talk about that anymore, lassies. Next I will mention my love for James Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser... and his letters to Claire whilst in France. His little story about the Iroquois chopping off his finger was priceless (along with his admittance that he might have checked out a boobie or two) and I was shocked he was able to write so much without the finger. Claire was right; she left him with a working hand. Outstanding. I just hope nothing goes wrong with his passage to the colonies... and I wonder if Jenny will be with him. Her thinly veiled apology-by-proxy was not enough. I hope she and Claire can make it right when she comes to America. (I willna get started on how bad I also feel for Jenny again... I think I've already belabored that point.)

Lordddddd it's going to be a long day. I am going to read now. Wish me luck. I feel like I'm headed up the Mount of Olives...

Philadelphia Freedom

SPOILER ALERT: Dinna read unless you have read the first 4 pages of Chapter 87 in AN ECHO IN THE BONE.

Dearest Claire,

I beg you to pipe down about Philadelphia, my friend. As my mother Patsy says: "Better than you has lived in Philadelphia." Let me tell you a little something about this city (which is really just a big town full of neighborhoods) that you call "grubby and unwelcoming".  I had the pleasure of visiting most major cities in the great United States of America when I was working before I had my children... and Philadelphia is at the top of the "welcoming" list. The people are friendly; but not fake. They'll help you out if you need directions to the best cheesesteak place (Mama's in Bala Cynwyd, just outside the city, shhhh that's a really well-kept secret) and give you a smile while doing it. They will be nice as pie to you (unless you're wearing a New York sports jersey) no matter where you are: the Northeast... South Philly... the Western burbs... Rittenhouse square.. Kensington... Society Hill... doesna matter; Philadelphians are good people and do not all live in row homes with "yards full of rubbish". 
Next time you're there in the 20th century, please do stop into the Dickens Inn (which is now actually called "The Dark Horse Pub") whose building was erected in 1788. You will get a tremendous feel for the true magic and wonder of Philly - and a lovely plate of bangers and mash to warm your wame. Also make sure to visit Boathouse Row... or visit the truly beautiful works at the Philadelphia Museum of Art... or the dinosaur bones at the Academy of Natural Sciences... or the truly amazing inventions at the Franklin Institute.

I thank ye... your humble servant,
Purgatory Carol

PS: Please dinna rank on New Jersey either, as my spiel is even worse for that lovely state... which has been made into a laughing stock by the likes of The Situation and Carmella Soprano.

An Open Letter to Herself

SPOILER ALERT: DINNA read unless you have read Chapter 86 in AN ECHO IN THE BONE. 

Dear Diana Gabaldon,

Might I say that you - I mean thee -  have completely outdone yourself on chapter 86 of "An Echo in the Bone" with Dottie showing up at Denzell's room. Every time you - I mean thee - write a scene like this, and share it with the world,  I feel a warm glow that travels up from my toes and spreads through my stomach in a great flurry like that of a good whisk(no e)y buzz.

I. Am. HOWLING at the hilariousness of this scene. It's classic cinema; a scene that burns to be brought forth on the big screen. Watching Rachel watch Dottie try to make her Lady-self into a Quaker makes me laugh so hard I just might tinkle in my trousers. (Please excuse the vulgarity of the prior statement, but goshdarnit; it's true.)

I hope you - thee - will accept my warm thanks for making my life a ridiculously fun place to be at this verra second.

Warmest regards,
Purgatory Carol

PS: I hope you didn't kill Young Ian because that will just throw me right over the edge.

Post Scriptum Scriptum: LOVED the Valley Forge scene. I'll give you a tour sometime if you ever make it to southeastern Pennsylvania and are looking for something to do. Just in case you're wondering if I truly love Valley Forge as much as I have lamented about in the past, please do have a gander at one of my (rather ridiculous) wedding photos below, taken in Valley Forge Park in 1993. (And please dinna laugh too hard at my hair. Again - it was 1993. My headpiece was a BOW for god's sake. Ahhh 90s fashion.) And notice, if you will, who is standing to my left in this shot. None other than Twitter Tracey, herself! And here we are - 17 years later - still putting our mugs in front of the camera!

What the Buck?!

SPOILER ALERT: Dinna read unless you have read chapter 85 in AN ECHO IN THE BONE. 

I canna BELIEVE I haven't mentioned Willy B. MacKenzie - aka Buck yet. I am so on the fence about this guy. I LOATHED him when he screwed Roger over, almost getting him killed. But now... sheesh.. I dunno.. he's helping Roger. And he's being honest. He told him he went through his study and read everything he could get his hands on. So far, he has been good with the kids.. and polite enough to Brianna... so I'm thinking "Geez - is this one of those times you have to be nice to someone who was a douche at one point, because he's family?" I dinna know.

What I DO KNOW is that JEM IS GONE!!!  Mandy woke up screaming... and Bree called to see if Jem was where he was supposed to be.. and all I could think was "Wow Bree is going to look like a complete ass calling someone's house at 3AM if Jem's sound asleep in bed." (Am I the only one who sometimes focuses on completely inane things??) But now Roger and Buck (who I want to stay in the 1980s, y'all, I don't know why) are crawling up to the stones to see if Jem's there and the stones are screaming  and and....

And I had to take my OWN IAN TO SOCCER, darnit!!!!

More later!!

And Good Old Boys Drinkin' Whisky and Rye

SPOILER ALERT: Dinna read unless you have read chapter 84 in AN ECHO IN THE BONE. 

Ian. (sigh) Poor Ian. My god - who knew? Who knew I'd cry like a baby when he died? It was bad enough we were already faced with the fact that Young Ian and Claire were gone. But the death of Ian Murray? What a poor sweet soul. I am crushed. He was the only brother Jamie ever knew after Willie died. (sigh) Just absolutely crushed.

I am not really handling Young Ian's departure that well at all. Dude your dad is D-Y-I-N-G. And you need to "fly - be free"??? WTF?! I dinna care HOW restless you are in your skin; your father has barely any time left on this earth. Stay and be with him! God it's mind-boggling to me how he can be so selfish. And for what? Some girl you met a few weeks before you left for Scotland?! You are going to regret this until the day you die, my friend. Until the day you die (which please, lord, dinna let happen in this book. I dinna know why but I have such a bad feeling about Young Ian these days.)

My goal is to finish this weekend. I couldna NOT keep going. I'll keep you all posted. (Laura - email me and send me your info so I can send you updates!) 

A Musical Gift For My Sassenach Friends

SPOILER ALERT: Dinna read unless you have read chapter 82 in AN ECHO IN THE BONE. 

Ho. Ly. Crapola. I just heard THIS SONG on the radio and went "IAN IAN IAN!!!" Take a listen and think of Ian and Rachel. Now remember, y'all, I'm only starting chapter 83 (I have decided to finish the book - insane asylum or not) so I dinna know WHAT happens with Ian and Rachel going forward.

All I know is he's in Scotland missing her... and she is in American keeping Rollo safe for him.

And I am in New Jersey freaking out for both of them.

Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Scorned

SPOILER ALERT: Dinna read unless you have read chapter 82 in AN ECHO IN THE BONE. 

Lads and lassies - I canna believe what a wild ride this book has been. Mr. Toad's got nuthin' on Jamie and Claire. And I'm not even finished yet. But honest to Bride; I'm terrified to finish. I can tell you right here - right now - in all seriousness... I dinna know if I want to finish this book before the next one comes out. I like where I am now. No. Scratch that.  I can HANDLE where I am now. Claire has made the decision to go to Philadelphia and operate on Henry Christian. It's scary - but it hasna happened yet. As of right now - Jamie and Claire are going to have a wee dram. Or two. And something tells me we'll get some tremendous going away sex out of the deal. So yes. I can handle it fine. But what's to come???? I dinna think I can handle what's to come. Not if I have to wait for two more years before I find out what happens. So I said to myself, "Myself", I said, "Why not stay on a good note? Why not bide my time in contentment, rather than anguish and despair?"  Yes. I am seriously thinking of putting out my best Blackjack hand and saying "I'LL STAY".

One bad thing about this book? It's making me eat. It's making me NOSH.  I canna take the  drama - and yet I thrive on the drama - all at the same time. So bring on the Cheetos (or microscopic 100 Calorie popcorn bags) because I needs myself something to CHEW.

Characters - I have such mixed feelings about so many characters right now. Here are my thoughts on two:

Jenny - Love Jenny. Hate Jenny. Love her for being her... hate her for refusing to accept Claire. I understand what she's going through with Ian and I give her a lot of slack for that. But to say Claire has nae soul? That is some cold-hearted stuff right there. Dems fightin' words. For god's sake, the woman poured our her heart and soul to you about being in Boston all those years. You KNOW that CLAIRE SUFFERED now. How about giving her a BREAK ye wee beastified woman?!

Laoghaire (now renamed "Cougar Ho" instead of "Wee Ho") - as a chick and a lover-o-Jamie, I loathe her with every fiber of my being. But honestly - now that the dust has settled - and Jamie and Claire have had 12 happy years together - for the first time since LEOCH - I can understand why she's been so horrible to Claire. I understood before... but I never really stopped loathing her long enough to really feel what she had been feeling all those years ago. She loved Jamie - and he somewhat led her on. Oh yes he did with his not-so-virginal kisses behind the curtain in the alcove....and his decision to sit next to her at dinner and such. Oh yes he did lead her on.  And when he married Claire she was heartbroken. And she thought it was a forced marriage - and years later, when she married him, she thought he'd come around. But he didn't. Ultimately, if Claire didna come into the picture, Laoghaire might have had a really good chance with Jamie Fraser. You really can't begrudge her the uh, grudge. And even now - she is entitled to a little happiness. Jamie is, right? So why shouldn't she be?  He married her with the promise that he would take care of her and her bairns - for good or for bad. And he bolted. Right - because she was an uncaring, unfeeling, frigid disaster... But I dinna blame her for hating him - and I can finally see her side of things. She didna show him love because he didna show her love. Plain and true. COMMA-MOTHER-EFFING-HOWEVER.... She is the devil's spawn and I dinna care if she falls into the loch with yon annoying servant-boytoy. How DARE she just show up at Lallybroch all humble and beg Claire to look at her, let alone TRAVEL TO PHILADELPHIA (Philly represent!!) WITHOUT JAMIE to take care of Henry Christian???? After she tried to KILL Jamie??? And bled them of all their money over the years??? And carried that grudge? (Which, remember now, I don't begrudge her) Forget it. SHE is the witch and Jenny is a DUMBASS MORON if she canna see that.

Here's what kills me. Laoghaire is once again sending Claire to the wolves. We've seen it before. Does she truly have good intentions this time around? Only time will tell. 

"What is, is. What was, will be. What will be WAS but will be again."

 SPOILER ALERT: Dinna read unless you've read chapter 80 in AN ECHO IN THE BONE.

Jesus, Mary mother of god. CLAIRE JUST TOLD THE MURRAY'S ABOUT HER PAST! I am FLIPPING THE HELL OUT right now!

She and Jenny are in the henhouse! They're having "the talk"!!! Jenny's like "You were in France blowing us all off while we starved" and Clair'e all like "Hello? I was in Bahhhstan in the 1900s, Miss, now step OFF." Holy COW! I TOTALLY never saw THIS coming!

Sorry - I know I've skipped a ton and I PROMISE to go back to it (LORDDDDDD will I go back to it!) but I just HAD to tell you all that I know what Claire did. Holy CRAP!! I'm in complete and utter SHOCK!!!!  "By the way, y'all, I'm from the 20th century. Now can somebody please pass the bannocks?"

PS - Tracey and Jenn - if you think I dinna see what's happening with young Ian, ye've another thing coming. And I'm none too happy about it. Unless Ocean County Medical Center wants a screaming lunatic on their hands this evening, this cough had better clear the eff up.

My Email to Tracey

SPOILER ALERT: Dinna read unless you have read chapter 70 in AN ECHO IN THE BONE. 

Just sent the following email to Tracey. I am DYING. You're not kidding, Karen.... I need a SEAT BELT.

Left off on Chapter 70. I'll be putting the kids to bed and reading in silence all night. Trying to catch up with Jenn who stopped at 82 and seems to be in physical pain and I'm afraid to know why.

Here's where I am:

Ian kissed Rachel and I have been thinking about him (and Joe Mazzello) all day.

That dude showed up and totally killed Jamie and Claire's buffalo skin buzz by saying he knew Jamie killed Dougal.

Ian killed the aforementioned dude.

Ian ran off and Rachel said she'd take care of Rollo (thank GOD).

Jamie was asked to accompany Simon Fraser's body to Scotland.

Jamie did the Happy Dance, despite everything going on with Ian. (OK that one only happened in my mind.)

William Bucleigh MacKenzie showed his jerk ass up at Lallybroch.

And last but not least, I had to close the book just as I was reading about THE PAOLI MASSACRE!!!  HOW MANY TIMES have we driven by that sign on Lancaster Ave????? And we never CARED IN THE SLIGHTEST!!!! And now I'm wanting to take a friggin FIELD TRIP to my own friggin HOME TOWN.

More later....

The Visitor

SPOILER ALERT: Dinna read unless you have read chapter 67 in AN ECHO IN THE BONE.

Dear Ian,

When some dude comes sniffing around camp and spits in your Auntie's pottage, you DO SOMETHING. You don't just stand there laughing while he walks away. 

I bet you wouldna have stood by calmly whilst he spat in your uncle's brandy.

Just my .02. 

Love, 

Carol